Humility in Brazil

A talk given in the Phoenix North YSA Ward on February 11, 2024 based on the talk Humble to Accept and Follow By Elder Joni L. Koch 

Humility

My name is Mackenzie Berry. I’ve been in the ward for almost a year and a half now. Most of my family lives here in the valley so I visit them often, which has been such a blessing.

Today I am going to be talking about the talk Humble to Accept and Follow by Elder Joni L. Koch. I thought getting this topic was pretty funny, because I definitely can learn a thing or two about being more humble. I don’t mean to brag, but I go through the pride cycle pretty regularly. Phases where I’ll get super prideful and then something happens that knocks me down. I'm humble for a bit and then I start getting prideful and the cycle starts all over again. Hopefully the slope of my humility is overall getting higher, while pride is getting lower, through all my ups and downs, but nevertheless, I still have A LOT to learn. 

All irony aside, it has been a humbling experience preparing for this talk. I hope and pray I can share what I have learned with the Spirit, and that you will feel inspired to draw closer to Jesus Christ.

Elder Koch tells a story that I would like to share. He tells us about a time he wanted to show off his high status to his wife and daughter so he took them to work one day with him. But when he got to the front gate, they didn’t open automatically like they normally did. A strange guard came up to the car asking for his work badge. Elder Koch tells the guard that he never needed it before, and then asks the prideful question “Do you know who you’re talking to?” The guard is like ‘obviously not, because you don’t have your ID, and I’m not letting you in without it.’ Elder Koch apologizes for treating the guard rudely, and drives back home to get his badge. 

He ends the story by saying this: “When we choose not to be humble, we choose to be humiliated.” 

Sadly, I have chosen to be humiliated too many times. I was actually compelled to be humble like two weeks ago and I’m still recovering. But I know that with God, nothing is impossible. I know that through the Atonement and power of Jesus Christ I can learn and grow more than I thought possible. I just have to keep trusting in Christ, line upon line, grace for grace.

Michelle D. Craig tells us “The surprising truth is that our weaknesses can be a blessing when they humble us and turn us to Christ. Discontent becomes divine when we humbly approach Jesus Christ with our want, rather than hold back in self-pity.” 

Lately one story that’s been on my mind is in Luke 18, which contrasts a prideful man and a humble man. It is called the parable of the publican and the Pharisee. These groups of people did not get along for various reasons. Jesus tells us,

10 Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican.

11 The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.

12 I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.

13 And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.

I have found myself too many times in the position of the Pharisee in this parable, instead of my rightful place of the publican. I compare myself to others and put myself above them, instead of recognizing my own faults. Jesus teaches us that it is the humble that are exalted. Jesus continues,

14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

So how can we be humble and not humiliated?

“Humility is inviting God in our lives. It’s saying that we need God more than what we could do alone. According to Preach My Gospel, it is a “willingness to submit to the will of the Lord. … It is being teachable. … [It] is a vital catalyst for spiritual growth.”’ (Elder Koch)

President Nelson asked us these questions to help us determine our willingness to listen to the commands of God: “Are you willing to let God prevail in your life? Are you willing to let God be the most important influence in your life? Will you allow His words, His commandments, and His covenants to influence what you do each day? Will you allow His voice to take priority over any other? Are you willing to let whatever He needs you to do take precedence over every other ambition? Are you willing to have your will swallowed up in His?”

Asking ourselves these questions with the honest desire to change can help us to become more humble and more willing to let God lead our lives. Sometimes we have an idea of where we are going, but then life happens, and we get so confused and perhaps angry at God for ruining our plans. But God knows what He is doing, and He will make our lives better than we can imagine.

I love the story in Deuteronomy about the Israelites escaping captivity in Egypt. They were in the wilderness for 40 years searching for the land God had promised them. I’ve wondered how they could still be traveling for 40 years without reaching their destination. Why did it take them so long?

In chapter 8 the Lord tells them, 

• 2 And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not.

• 3 And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. (ESV)

Sometimes God leads us into the wilderness to teach us something. Sometimes we are led into the wilderness to show us that we need God more than anything else in our lives. I hope it doesn’t take me 40 years to recognize my overwhelming need for my Savior Jesus Christ, and I pray that we can see the hand of God in our lives inviting us to change today.

I can think of a special time in my life where I let God prevail, and I saw miracles happen. I was a missionary in the wilderness of  Brazil. 

It was the end of my mission. I was about to finish training a new missionary and I only had 2 transfers left.  I had finally gotten comfortable with the language, I had held various leadership positions, I was about to finish training another missionary and I felt pretty good. I had become prideful without realizing it. I thought I had learned everything that I needed to know, but I was so wrong, and I still am most of the time.

I thought I knew the perfect ending for my mission, I had it all planned out and it was going to happen. I had been in this area for almost 6 months and I was ready to leave. My plan was to get transferred to a new area with a new companion that would be super obedient and hard working so I could finish my mission working hard. 

So the last week of the training, my companion and I decided that we were going to have the best week ever, since it was going to be my last week in the area. We wrote it down in our planners and everything. But, of course, nothing went according to plan. After a couple of emergency transfers, we got stuck in a trio that week with a newer sister missionary from the area next door, who I happened to not like very much.. It definitely didn’t turn out to be the best week ever like we planned, but it would be fine because I had my own plan. I was going to be transferred next week, and I would leave all the craziness behind me. 

A few days before the transfer, President Silcox came to do routine interviews with our zone of missionaries. I was still waiting to hear about transfers, but I was getting this feeling like I was not going to get what I had been praying for: which was an obedient, hard working companion to help me finish my mission strong. My fears were realized when President Silcox asked me to stay... stay with the emergency transferred companion, the troublemaker, the newbie, and to top it off I’d be staying in the area that I had been in for 6 months, that I was tired of….I told him I would stay, but my heart wasn’t in it. He then told me something I will never forget... He said God knew what I had been praying for, but that it wasn’t time yet. He told me it would come…but not yet. I knew that God had heard my prayers, but He had a different, better, plan for me. 

Just because I knew that God had a plan for me didn’t make that transfer any easier. I still thought I knew what was best for me and my mission. Looking back it seems so ridiculous. How could I not trust a loving Heavenly Father?? Why do I continue to fight and doubt? Why can’t I seem to get rid of pride?

In the beginning of that transfer I didn’t know how to let God prevail in my life. I didn’t know how to humble myself and let my will be swallowed up by the will of my Father. But over the next couple of weeks, as I worked with this new companion, God showed me how to change, little by little. We learned to love each other, and my heart was softened. I had so many more lessons to learn, that I never could have learned without that amazing companion that I didn’t even want but came to love.

Before that transfer, I thought I had learned everything I needed to know. I thought I was doing great and growing and that there wasn’t anything else I needed to do or be. For too long I didn’t understand, for those first couple weeks I refused to understand, thinking that I still knew better and everything would have been perfect if things had just happened the way that I wanted them to--…that it was too hard…and I was too tired…so why did it have to happen this way? When we’re in the middle of the wilderness, it’s hard to see the land of milk and honey. But God had something to teach me first. I learned and grew just as much in that single transfer as I had in my entire mission before that. We saw miracles happen, not so much with our friends we were teaching, but in ourselves. I was changed when I completely trusted it to God, because I knew I couldn’t do it myself. 

My last transfer, my prayers were answered. I moved areas and was with the most obedient and hardworking companion I had ever seen, and she walked me to the bone and I finished my mission strong. I know God answers prayers. Maybe not in the way we think or want, or when we want, but we’re better for it. 

…But now I wonder what my last transfer would have looked like if, instead of praying and asking for what I wanted, I had prayed for what God wanted for me. What more could I have learned? What miracles did I miss because I selfishly wanted things to be easier for me? 

I remember leaving that area and feeling like I was leaving my home, when just 5 weeks before I couldn’t wait to get out of there. I don’t want to imagine what my mission would have been like without those transforming 5 weeks. And now I don’t want to live a life where I don’t do exactly what God tells me to do, because I have seen the miracles of letting God prevail.

Now I try to remember this request from Reverend Phillips Brooks: "Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men [and women]! Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks."

Letting God prevail in our lives is not easy. Being humble is not easy. I still struggle so hard to always let God prevail. But we need to remember when we turn our lives over to God, He makes a lot more out of our lives than we ever could. He takes our plans and makes something even better (Paraphrase of Ezra Taft Benson).

C. S. Lewis explained God’s transforming power this way: “Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably. … [You see,] He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of. … You thought you were [being] made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” 

Having a cottage is not a bad thing. There are a lot of people on this earth that choose to do things contrary to the will of God and are still successful in the eyes of the world. But if we want God in our lives then we need to choose to be humble day by day, until one day we are perfected in Christ.

Sister Becky Craven tells us how we can use humility to come closer to Christ when we are discouraged. “Our daily choices will either help or hinder our progress. Small but steady, deliberate changes will help us improve. Do not become discouraged. Change is a life-long process. I am grateful that in our struggles to change, the Lord is patient with us. Through Jesus Christ, we are given the strength to make lasting changes. As we humbly turn to Him, He will increase our capacity to change.” 

God has given us everything that we need to succeed, we just have to work for it. Every day we will make mistakes, we will fall short, we will fail. Every day we will have to remember that “talk doesn’t cook rice”, and that if we fall down seven times, we will stand up eight. Every day we need to make the choice to turn to the Lord, read His word, listen to the prophets, be what we believe, and humble ourselves. I hope and pray that we can all include God into the planning of our lives, and then see the miracles unfold.

I’d like to close with some words from Elder Koch, “May we be humble to follow the counsel of our prophets and accept that only God and Jesus Christ can transform us—through ordinances and covenants received in His Church—into the best version of ourselves in this life and, one day, make us perfect in Christ.”

I testify that Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer, and He loves us perfectly. I know that miracles happen on the earth today when we choose to follow Christ, humble ourselves and submit our will to the will of the Father. I know our Heavenly Father loves all of His children, and wants us all to come home. 

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Footnotes

Ezra Taft Benson told us that “Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their soul, raise up friends, and pour out peace.”

“I am building a house

Where the floor is made up of strength

Where the walls are crafted of ambition

Where the roof is a masterpiece of forgiveness

I am building myself.”

--Noor Unnahar

“God left the world unfinished for man to work his skill upon. He left the electricity in the cloud, the oil in the earth. He left the rivers unbridged and the forests unfelled and the cities unbuilt. God gives to man the challenge of raw materials, not the ease of finished things. He leaves the pictures unpainted and the music unsung and the problems unsolved, that man might know the joys and glories of creation.”

- In Search of the Abundant life, Thomas S. Monson

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/kevin-j-worthen/choose-to-be-humble/

1 Nephi 13:16 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, beheld that the Gentiles who had gone forth out of captivity did humble themselves before the Lord; and the power of the Lord was with them.

Helping this Christmas

Here's my talk given on December 11, 2022 in the Phoenix north young single adult ward. 

I want to give a huge shoutout to Beth and Kelley Wagher for helping me write and edit this talk. I wouldn't be this awesome without them ;)

Helping the Poor and Distressed

This Christmas season, I was asked to speak on the most recent General Conference talk from President Dallin H. Oaks, “Helping the Poor and Distressed.” In his talk, he outlines the Church’s efforts to serve worldwide, and provides details about what our church and others are doing to help the poor and distressed of the world. 

President Oaks says, “Despite all that our Church does directly, most humanitarian service to the children of God worldwide is carried out by persons and organizations having no formal connection with our Church. As one of our Apostles observed: “God is using more than one people for the accomplishment of his great and marvelous work. … It is too vast, too arduous, for any one people. As members of the restored Church, we need to be more aware and more appreciative of the service of others.” 

I love that I belong to a church that teaches the importance of service and I am grateful for the opportunities that I have to serve each day, both within and outside of the church.  Sometimes “we need to be more aware and more appreciative of the service of others.” How can we be more aware and appreciative of service this Christmas season?

I come from an amazing family. I’m blessed with loving, hardworking parents who have taught me the importance of helping those in their time of need. My dad is known to have a “helium hand” at church. Whenever there is a need to serve others, my dad will be the first to raise his hand, as if it’s filled with helium. To help someone move, clean the church, or fix the plumbing. My mom is always so quick to recognize those on the outside of society, the homeless, loners and wanderers, and invite them in. I have so many memories of her giving assistance to the homeless in front of grocery stores, or inviting hungry strangers to eat with us during family picnics on the beach. I am grateful to come from a legacy of service.

My two wonderful aunts, Beth and Kelley are also unbelievable exemplars of Christlike ministering.  I’ve often been asked to come along as they deliver various treats, flowers, or meals to all those they come in contact with at church or in their job as teachers. I’ve seen the effect their service has on those around them. Many people mention that these acts of service have come at the perfect time, and that they knew God was taking care of them. My aunt Kelley told me, “Cool things happen when we listen to the prompting to show love and kindness,” and that is so true. You can feel the Spirit when you enter my aunts’ home, and especially as we all go about doing good together. (Acts 10:38)

I know that serving others does not have to be a grand event, even something that needs to be recognized to make a difference. The greatest difference it makes will be in us as we share the love of God. 

Elder Andersen spoke of the need to have the Spirit with us as we serve. In a devotional given in 2018, he says, “To minister in the Lord’s way, we need the help of the Holy Ghost. President Nelson spoke powerfully on this subject in general conference: “In coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost.”

President Nelson added, “I urge you to stretch beyond your current spiritual ability to receive personal revelation. He counseled us to pray, to listen, to write down our thoughts, and to take action.”

Elder Andersen then asks, “Can we apply this to ministering in a holier way? Let us pray, listen, record our thoughts, and take action regarding those to whom we can minister.” 

I loved my time at Brigham Young University. I loved the atmosphere of love and service that became a part of my everyday life. The weekly devotionals from inspired leaders, and the inclusion of gospel topics in seemingly secular studies was life changing. But from my 4 years spent there, one thing that I still continually think of is a motto, placed on a sign on the west side of campus, that reads “Enter to Learn--Go Forth to Serve.” 

Elder L. Tom Perry gave a devotional about this sign. He said, “As you enter the BYU campus, prominently displayed is the challenge “Enter to Learn—Go Forth to Serve.” This challenge not only applies to BYU students but could apply to others as well. It would also be appropriate and correct to say this challenge represents the purpose of our mortal experience.

We have a duty as followers of Christ to go forth and serve. My life has been changed by service in more ways than one. A truly selfless act from another can make even the most dismal situation better.

When I was at BYU, I didn’t have a car and I used my bike to get around everywhere. I rented it from BYU every semester, which was helpful because I am very accident prone, so when I would inevitably crash into a curb and pop my tire, I could take it in and they would fix it up no problem and with no extra cost. The only problem was that the bike shop was on the far end of campus, a 15 minute bike ride away. It turned into a much longer walk across campus with my broken bike in tow.

One semester the bike handle kept getting loose and would wobble as I rode, making it pretty difficult to steer and eventually started hanging very crookedly when I would lock it up. It would be a really easy fix if I had any tools, but I didn’t, and I didn’t have the time to take it to the distant shop to get it fixed, so I decided to deal with it. This went on for a couple weeks. One day, I left my bike on campus overnight instead of riding it back to my apartment, thinking it would be easier to walk than try and steer the broken bike. When I went back to gather my bike the next day, to my astonishment, someone had fixed my bike! I hadn’t asked any of my friends to fix it or told anyone about it so I knew it couldn’t be anyone I had known. The only explanation was that some very prepared student, or possibly faculty member, had seen the bike handle lying sideways when it’s supposed to be straight, pulled out a screwdriver and had screwed it tight again, all for a complete stranger.

 I was amazed, and I still think about that to this day. I have no idea who did it, it could have been anyone among thousands of people who passed by my bike on the busy walkway to class everyday. But it made a huge difference to me. It was such a small thing that I could have fixed myself, but someone served me anyway, expecting nothing in return.

Christmas time gives us an amazing opportunity to serve. This season more than any other the world is full of a giving spirit. And it is known as the most wonderful time of the year. Why? Because I believe service brings joy.

One of my new favorite Christmas movies is called Klaus. It basically tells an origin story of Santa Claus, but with a few twists. One line that really stood out to me was this, “One act of goodwill always sparks another.” This beautiful principle is also portrayed in a few movies, one being the 1960 film Pollyanna. In both movies, the main character moves into a new town after losing everything that they hold dear, to a place that doesn’t really want them, to live with people that are used to being sad, miserable and see no need to change. But as one person starts helping others, and looking for the good instead of the bad, everything changes rapidly. The whole town ends up happier and more unified in the end because of a simple act of kindness, that sparked another, and another. I hope and pray that we can do this in our own lives, in our families and communities.

I’ve thought about my past experiences with service, in the church and in my community. I served a mission in Brazil, in various callings, in the temple, and with various groups and service projects. But big service projects aren’t the only ways that we can change the world for the better. As members of the church, we are given so many opportunities to serve, but it is our job to act. It is our job to show up and find ways for ourselves. 

I’m reminded of a talk given by Sister Bonnie Oscarson when she said, “…Sometimes it’s easy to miss some of the greatest opportunities to serve others because we are distracted or because we are looking for ambitious ways to change the world and we don’t see that some of the most significant needs we can meet are within our own families, among our friends, in our wards, and in our communities. We are touched when we see the suffering and great needs of those halfway around the world, but we may fail to see there is a person who needs our friendship sitting right next to us...”

I’ve seen this as I’ve served in my wards in the last year. I haven’t been able to participate in any big service projects recently, like I’ve done in the past, and I noticed a difference in my life. Earlier this year I recognized that I was having more pity parties for myself and I wanted to get up and do something. I knew that I needed more service. I tried looking for projects in the community, but then I realized that I can serve right where I am. I can serve my family, and I can serve in my ward. As I started being more active in my YSA ward an amazing thing happened. I got to know people better, I made friends, and found opportunities to serve while ministering. I became so much happier all because I decided to be involved.  I know that when I take the time to serve others, in any way that I can, I am happier.

BYU President, Kevin J. Worthen, expands on this thought. He says, “Service is not just connected to joy in some amorphous, general way. Service is an essential part of the refining process that makes true joy possible.”

Marion G. Romney said this about service: “Service is not something we endure on this earth so we can earn the right to live in the celestial kingdom. Service is the very fiber of which an exalted life in the celestial kingdom is made.

Knowing that service is what gives our Father in Heaven fulfillment, and knowing that we want to be where He is and as He is, why must we be commanded to serve one another? Oh, for the glorious day when these things all come naturally because of the purity of our hearts. In that day there will be no need for a commandment because we will have experienced for ourselves that we are truly happy only when we are engaged in unselfish service.” 

But what do we do when we don’t feel like serving? When serving feels more like a burden than a blessing? How can we make service a part of our lives so that we can feel the joy?

I love this quote from Bishop L. Todd Budge, “When our sacrifices on behalf of others are viewed from the perspective of “giving up,” we may see them as a burden and become discouraged when our sacrifices are not recognized or rewarded. However, when viewed from the perspective of “giving to” the Lord, our sacrifices on behalf of others become gifts, and the joy of generously giving becomes its own reward. Freed from the need for love, approval, or appreciation from others, our sacrifices become the purest and deepest expressions of our gratitude and love for the Savior and our fellow men. Any prideful sense of self-sacrifice gives way to feelings of gratitude, generosity, contentment, and joy.”

Rendering true Christlike service is often done anonymously, without fanfare. The person giving service gains their reward long before receiving any recognition or thanks. In this case of my anonymous bike repairing bandit - it probably only took a few minutes to tighten the screw on my bike, but they did it anonymously. They weren’t looking for any reward or recognition for that small act of service. They saw a need - and took action to fill it. Just like Christ did in countless situations, without seeking accolades. My bike repairer could have stood by my bike after fixing it, waiting for me to return so they could be properly thanked. They could have left a note with their name and number. I would have thanked them from the bottom of my heart. But they didn’t stay. Fixing the bike for a stranger was its own reward. 

Bishop Budge said “Something is made holy—whether it be our lives, our possessions, our time, or our talents—not simply by giving it up but rather by consecrating it to the Lord. The humanitarian work of the Church is such a gift. It is the product of the collective, consecrated offerings of the Saints, a manifestation of our love for God and His children.” [See  Matthew 22:36–40]”

In this busy season, I pray that we can emulate Thomas S. Monson in the way he lived when he said, “May we lift our eyes heavenward and look upward and outward into the lives of others. May we remember this Christmas season that “it is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35).” 

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, “So go out there and light a candle. Be a ray of light. Be your best self and let your character shine. Cherish the gospel of Jesus Christ and live it. The world needs you, and surely your Father in Heaven needs you if His blessed purposes for His children are to prevail. You have entered to learn. Now go forth to serve and strengthen.”

I invite you all to seek the Lord’s direction into your life as you determine the ways that you can serve those around you right now, today. I am so grateful to be a part of a church that serves. I have a testimony that service brings unbelievable joy i
nto our lives. I know that as you find more ways to serve in the church and in community, you will be blessed and find happiness.

I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Additional resources:

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/steven-l-shumway/keeping-spiritual-lifeblood-flowing/

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/emilee-l-carr/walking-each-other-home/

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/latter-day-saint-women-podcast/id1491361653?i=1000542216134

Eternal Families

Here's my talk that I gave today in my Surprise Young Single Adult Branch. I hope you like it!

Today I am going to answer the question: what are eternal families to me and what can I do to prepare to have my own eternal family? The past couple weeks I’ve been able to study about marriage and families, and I hope that I can pass on what I have learned to you. I pray for the Spirit to be here as I testify of truth.

Temples and Eternal Families

I may not know a ton about marriage, but I do know about eternal families. I am blessed to have an amazing family, albeit a crazy one. I’ve been thinking a lot about my late Grandma Wagher these past couple of weeks, so I thought it was a nice coincidence that I would be talking about something that she taught her family so often. But, of course, it wasn’t a coincidence at all. God knows me and He knows that I have a testimony of eternal families. In one of my grandma’s blogs, that I read often, she says this about temples: “Ties that bind generations of families long passed are put into place in those buildings. Vows are spoken between people who never have to say the most awful words ever imagined by people who love each other…"Till death do us part." Now, thanks to Christ, instead we can say, “For time and all eternity.”

The resurrection of Jesus Christ did indeed change everything about death. For those of us who know that miracle to be true, or who maybe just think that it’s probably true, or who even only hope desperately that it is true….it changed everything about life too.

We live differently because we know the truth.”

Our temple covenants allow us to be sealed to our families for time and all eternity. We have to make sacrifices to be in the temple, we have to “live differently” to prepare to be worthy to enter God’s presence. But the blessings that we gain far outweigh the sacrifices we make.

In the most recent general conference, President Russel M. Nelson counseled, “Positive spiritual momentum increases as we worship in the temple and grow in our understanding of the magnificent breadth and depth of the blessings we receive there. I plead with you to counter worldly ways by focusing on the eternal blessings of the temple. Your time there brings blessings for eternity.”

 I am so grateful for my grandparents who chose to embrace the gospel of Christ and to raise their children in this church. I would not be here today without them and the countless sacrifices they made to enter the temple and be sealed together as a family. I know that I will one day see them again because of the covenants that we have made in the temple.

Marriage

We read in the Family Proclamation that “the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” Elder Christofferson says that “[marriage] is the “link in the chain of the generations” both here and hereafter—the order of heaven.” The first step to having an eternal family is the eternal covenant of marriage.

So what are we all waiting for? I think we all want to get married and start our own families to add our own link to the eternal chain, but it’s not as simple as wanting it. 

Sister Sara Lee Gibb once told a story in a BYU Devotional. She says,

“One of my students answered my query “To what do you look forward in the future?” by stating that he really wanted an eternal family and the blessing of having them all go back to live with Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ. The problem was that he had so many things to do that he didn’t have time to worry about it very much—much less to set one more goal. He was willing but very distracted.

What does it take to get our attention? This good brother who had righteous desires but felt that he could not fulfill them because he was too busy in school will probably find that his life will fill up just as much when he is out of school. We are often caught up in the busy demands and choices of life. Soon we look back and realize that a year or five years or 10 years have gone by and we are still saying that someday we will get to the things that we wish and need to do. How sad it will be if we spend our lives climbing ladders only to find that they are against the wrong walls…

We only have so much time in a day, in a year, in a lifetime. We have to decide what it is that is important to us. What do we value and care deeply about? Then and only then will we be able to keep our sights on eternal perspectives and avoid distraction.”

 I have thought a lot about this concept. I remember thinking when I was in school that as soon as I graduated I would be done with homework and tests and I would have so much more time to study my scriptures and I would actually study for an hour a day like I did on the mission and everything would just be better because I would have so much more time. But now I’ve been graduated for 3 years, survived a global pandemic with months of quarantine, and I did not study as much as I should have, as much as I said I was going to. 

If we don’t do the important things when we are busy, we are not going to do them when we are not busy, either. We have to make the time to do the important things no matter what. Things like reading our scriptures, fulfilling our callings, and yes, even dating. I learned this the hard way, and I’ve been working on doing the things that matter most every day, instead of being distracted in the day to day things.

According to General Authorities, “the majority of adult Church members are now unmarried, widowed, or divorced.” President Ballard said the following during the April 2021 General Conference, “Brothers and sisters, more than half of adults in the Church today are widowed, divorced, or not yet married. Some wonder about their opportunities and place in God’s plan and in the Church. We should understand that eternal life is not simply a question of current marital status but of discipleship and being “valiant in the testimony of Jesus.” The hope of all who are single is the same as for all members of the Lord’s restored Church—access to the grace of Christ through “obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.”’

We should all strive to obtain an eternal marriage, but if we are stuck in the waiting, remember that we are loved, and God has a work for us to do right now. 

I love what Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf has to say about this:

“In the meantime, do not wait for someone else to make your life complete. Stop second-guessing yourself and wondering if you are defective. Instead, seek to reach your potential as a child of God. Seek learning. Become engaged in a meaningful career, and seek fulfillment in service to others. Use your time, your talents, and your resources to improve yourself and bless those around you. All of this is part of your preparation for having a family. Immerse yourself in your ward or branch and seek to magnify your callings, no matter what they may be.

The great purpose of this mortal existence is to learn to fully love our Heavenly Father and our neighbor as ourselves. If we do this with all our might, mind, and strength, our eternal destiny will be glorious and grand beyond our capacity to imagine. Be faithful, and things will work out for you. That is His eternal promise to all who love and honor Him.”

You Get to Be the Mom

To end my talk today I wanted to tell another one of my Grandma’s stories. She tells us about her early family life, that may or may not be similar to your own family situation. 

She says, “I grew up in a loving home with 3 younger siblings and wonderful parents. There was great love between my mother and father and they were devoted to our family. My parents believed in God but didn’t raise us in any organized religion. I had never heard of [the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints] and knew little except the snippets of the Catholic faith my grandmother brought with her when she visited.

Then one terrible day in early spring when I was 11, my 39 year old father was killed in a car accident on his way home from work. I remember my mother being completely devastated……put on sedatives by our doctor….and then after the haze of those first terrible days…sedated almost always by alcohol. I don’t remember seeing my mother as she had been before ever again. It seemed truly as if both of our parents had died in that awful crash.

Then, day by day, alcohol slowly killed my mother. I learned a frightening lesson watching her during my teenage years…drinking can end your life years before it actually kills you. And your life is not all that’s at stake.

Dad had thankfully provided well for us financially but things were not good in our home during my teenage years. I was the oldest of 4 kids….my youngest sister just a toddler when our father was killed…2 brothers who needed a dad…an alcoholic mom…you get the picture. It’s important to remember too that this was the early 60’s…a different time as far as accepted moral standards go. This was back in the day of the sit-com mom who supposedly cleaned house in heels and a string of pearls and was the picture of propriety and proper conduct.

Well, one Saturday I remember being picked up by the girls on my high school softball team to head to 6 AM practice. I came out the door at the first honk to a station wagon full of my teammates….someone’s mom driving the lot of us to the school field. Some of these girls were the most popular at school and I longed to feel a part of their circle. Nice girls, they were, from nice families, like ours used to be, with moms who did wear pearls while cleaning house, I just knew. As I opened the door one of them asked loudly… “Isn’t that your mom’s boyfriend’s car? What is it doing here so early in the morning? Did he spend the night?”

There was suddenly a deafening silence in the car while everyone began to think of the answer to that question and my face began to burn in shame. The mom who was driving quickly changed the subject and headed to the school. As we all were piling out of the car lugging bats and gloves, girls chattering all at once, the mother, a lady I barely knew, called me over to her car window. When the others had gone she said, “I just wanted you to know something very important. I wanted you to know that you can have a wonderful, loving family again. One with a mother and father. Parents who are happy and whole together…who love and take care of their children. It’s important that you know that.” Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked at her. I barely knew this lady. How did she know about me? You don’t know us, I said. You don’t know how things are. How? How can that possibly be?

“You get to be the mom,” she said gently.

She was right. Of course she was right. We each build our own lives. There was little I could do about my present situation but the future is what we each make of it. I never forgot what she said. It’s given me hope, comfort, and a kick in the pants many times since. I’ll always be grateful that she took the time to speak them.”

I love those words. “You get to be the mom.” You may not have had a perfect family situation growing up, or maybe you did. Either way, your future is what you make of it, and “the future is as bright as your faith.”

Conclusion

My grandmother’s life wasn’t perfect, not even after she and my grandfather joined the church. But I know that from that point on she worked hard to raise an eternal family and to teach her kids truth and light. I hope and pray that we all can do the same for our children one day, and that we will strive to find a worthy eternal companion to make that possible. Don’t sit around waiting for “an eternal companion to appear on [your] doorstep with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and an engagement ring in the other.” Have faith, make an effort, and trust in God’s timing.

I know that families can be together forever. We will all live again because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that temples are the Houses of God, and they provide saving ordinances for all those who are worthy and ready to enter them. I know that God loves me and all of His children. He wants each of us to come back to Him, and I know that that is possible because of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer. 

My grandparents Kathy and Larry Wagher