Helping this Christmas

Here's my talk given on December 11, 2022 in the Phoenix north young single adult ward. 

I want to give a huge shoutout to Beth and Kelley Wagher for helping me write and edit this talk. I wouldn't be this awesome without them ;)

Helping the Poor and Distressed

This Christmas season, I was asked to speak on the most recent General Conference talk from President Dallin H. Oaks, “Helping the Poor and Distressed.” In his talk, he outlines the Church’s efforts to serve worldwide, and provides details about what our church and others are doing to help the poor and distressed of the world. 

President Oaks says, “Despite all that our Church does directly, most humanitarian service to the children of God worldwide is carried out by persons and organizations having no formal connection with our Church. As one of our Apostles observed: “God is using more than one people for the accomplishment of his great and marvelous work. … It is too vast, too arduous, for any one people. As members of the restored Church, we need to be more aware and more appreciative of the service of others.” 

I love that I belong to a church that teaches the importance of service and I am grateful for the opportunities that I have to serve each day, both within and outside of the church.  Sometimes “we need to be more aware and more appreciative of the service of others.” How can we be more aware and appreciative of service this Christmas season?

I come from an amazing family. I’m blessed with loving, hardworking parents who have taught me the importance of helping those in their time of need. My dad is known to have a “helium hand” at church. Whenever there is a need to serve others, my dad will be the first to raise his hand, as if it’s filled with helium. To help someone move, clean the church, or fix the plumbing. My mom is always so quick to recognize those on the outside of society, the homeless, loners and wanderers, and invite them in. I have so many memories of her giving assistance to the homeless in front of grocery stores, or inviting hungry strangers to eat with us during family picnics on the beach. I am grateful to come from a legacy of service.

My two wonderful aunts, Beth and Kelley are also unbelievable exemplars of Christlike ministering.  I’ve often been asked to come along as they deliver various treats, flowers, or meals to all those they come in contact with at church or in their job as teachers. I’ve seen the effect their service has on those around them. Many people mention that these acts of service have come at the perfect time, and that they knew God was taking care of them. My aunt Kelley told me, “Cool things happen when we listen to the prompting to show love and kindness,” and that is so true. You can feel the Spirit when you enter my aunts’ home, and especially as we all go about doing good together. (Acts 10:38)

I know that serving others does not have to be a grand event, even something that needs to be recognized to make a difference. The greatest difference it makes will be in us as we share the love of God. 

Elder Andersen spoke of the need to have the Spirit with us as we serve. In a devotional given in 2018, he says, “To minister in the Lord’s way, we need the help of the Holy Ghost. President Nelson spoke powerfully on this subject in general conference: “In coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost.”

President Nelson added, “I urge you to stretch beyond your current spiritual ability to receive personal revelation. He counseled us to pray, to listen, to write down our thoughts, and to take action.”

Elder Andersen then asks, “Can we apply this to ministering in a holier way? Let us pray, listen, record our thoughts, and take action regarding those to whom we can minister.” 

I loved my time at Brigham Young University. I loved the atmosphere of love and service that became a part of my everyday life. The weekly devotionals from inspired leaders, and the inclusion of gospel topics in seemingly secular studies was life changing. But from my 4 years spent there, one thing that I still continually think of is a motto, placed on a sign on the west side of campus, that reads “Enter to Learn--Go Forth to Serve.” 

Elder L. Tom Perry gave a devotional about this sign. He said, “As you enter the BYU campus, prominently displayed is the challenge “Enter to Learn—Go Forth to Serve.” This challenge not only applies to BYU students but could apply to others as well. It would also be appropriate and correct to say this challenge represents the purpose of our mortal experience.

We have a duty as followers of Christ to go forth and serve. My life has been changed by service in more ways than one. A truly selfless act from another can make even the most dismal situation better.

When I was at BYU, I didn’t have a car and I used my bike to get around everywhere. I rented it from BYU every semester, which was helpful because I am very accident prone, so when I would inevitably crash into a curb and pop my tire, I could take it in and they would fix it up no problem and with no extra cost. The only problem was that the bike shop was on the far end of campus, a 15 minute bike ride away. It turned into a much longer walk across campus with my broken bike in tow.

One semester the bike handle kept getting loose and would wobble as I rode, making it pretty difficult to steer and eventually started hanging very crookedly when I would lock it up. It would be a really easy fix if I had any tools, but I didn’t, and I didn’t have the time to take it to the distant shop to get it fixed, so I decided to deal with it. This went on for a couple weeks. One day, I left my bike on campus overnight instead of riding it back to my apartment, thinking it would be easier to walk than try and steer the broken bike. When I went back to gather my bike the next day, to my astonishment, someone had fixed my bike! I hadn’t asked any of my friends to fix it or told anyone about it so I knew it couldn’t be anyone I had known. The only explanation was that some very prepared student, or possibly faculty member, had seen the bike handle lying sideways when it’s supposed to be straight, pulled out a screwdriver and had screwed it tight again, all for a complete stranger.

 I was amazed, and I still think about that to this day. I have no idea who did it, it could have been anyone among thousands of people who passed by my bike on the busy walkway to class everyday. But it made a huge difference to me. It was such a small thing that I could have fixed myself, but someone served me anyway, expecting nothing in return.

Christmas time gives us an amazing opportunity to serve. This season more than any other the world is full of a giving spirit. And it is known as the most wonderful time of the year. Why? Because I believe service brings joy.

One of my new favorite Christmas movies is called Klaus. It basically tells an origin story of Santa Claus, but with a few twists. One line that really stood out to me was this, “One act of goodwill always sparks another.” This beautiful principle is also portrayed in a few movies, one being the 1960 film Pollyanna. In both movies, the main character moves into a new town after losing everything that they hold dear, to a place that doesn’t really want them, to live with people that are used to being sad, miserable and see no need to change. But as one person starts helping others, and looking for the good instead of the bad, everything changes rapidly. The whole town ends up happier and more unified in the end because of a simple act of kindness, that sparked another, and another. I hope and pray that we can do this in our own lives, in our families and communities.

I’ve thought about my past experiences with service, in the church and in my community. I served a mission in Brazil, in various callings, in the temple, and with various groups and service projects. But big service projects aren’t the only ways that we can change the world for the better. As members of the church, we are given so many opportunities to serve, but it is our job to act. It is our job to show up and find ways for ourselves. 

I’m reminded of a talk given by Sister Bonnie Oscarson when she said, “…Sometimes it’s easy to miss some of the greatest opportunities to serve others because we are distracted or because we are looking for ambitious ways to change the world and we don’t see that some of the most significant needs we can meet are within our own families, among our friends, in our wards, and in our communities. We are touched when we see the suffering and great needs of those halfway around the world, but we may fail to see there is a person who needs our friendship sitting right next to us...”

I’ve seen this as I’ve served in my wards in the last year. I haven’t been able to participate in any big service projects recently, like I’ve done in the past, and I noticed a difference in my life. Earlier this year I recognized that I was having more pity parties for myself and I wanted to get up and do something. I knew that I needed more service. I tried looking for projects in the community, but then I realized that I can serve right where I am. I can serve my family, and I can serve in my ward. As I started being more active in my YSA ward an amazing thing happened. I got to know people better, I made friends, and found opportunities to serve while ministering. I became so much happier all because I decided to be involved.  I know that when I take the time to serve others, in any way that I can, I am happier.

BYU President, Kevin J. Worthen, expands on this thought. He says, “Service is not just connected to joy in some amorphous, general way. Service is an essential part of the refining process that makes true joy possible.”

Marion G. Romney said this about service: “Service is not something we endure on this earth so we can earn the right to live in the celestial kingdom. Service is the very fiber of which an exalted life in the celestial kingdom is made.

Knowing that service is what gives our Father in Heaven fulfillment, and knowing that we want to be where He is and as He is, why must we be commanded to serve one another? Oh, for the glorious day when these things all come naturally because of the purity of our hearts. In that day there will be no need for a commandment because we will have experienced for ourselves that we are truly happy only when we are engaged in unselfish service.” 

But what do we do when we don’t feel like serving? When serving feels more like a burden than a blessing? How can we make service a part of our lives so that we can feel the joy?

I love this quote from Bishop L. Todd Budge, “When our sacrifices on behalf of others are viewed from the perspective of “giving up,” we may see them as a burden and become discouraged when our sacrifices are not recognized or rewarded. However, when viewed from the perspective of “giving to” the Lord, our sacrifices on behalf of others become gifts, and the joy of generously giving becomes its own reward. Freed from the need for love, approval, or appreciation from others, our sacrifices become the purest and deepest expressions of our gratitude and love for the Savior and our fellow men. Any prideful sense of self-sacrifice gives way to feelings of gratitude, generosity, contentment, and joy.”

Rendering true Christlike service is often done anonymously, without fanfare. The person giving service gains their reward long before receiving any recognition or thanks. In this case of my anonymous bike repairing bandit - it probably only took a few minutes to tighten the screw on my bike, but they did it anonymously. They weren’t looking for any reward or recognition for that small act of service. They saw a need - and took action to fill it. Just like Christ did in countless situations, without seeking accolades. My bike repairer could have stood by my bike after fixing it, waiting for me to return so they could be properly thanked. They could have left a note with their name and number. I would have thanked them from the bottom of my heart. But they didn’t stay. Fixing the bike for a stranger was its own reward. 

Bishop Budge said “Something is made holy—whether it be our lives, our possessions, our time, or our talents—not simply by giving it up but rather by consecrating it to the Lord. The humanitarian work of the Church is such a gift. It is the product of the collective, consecrated offerings of the Saints, a manifestation of our love for God and His children.” [See  Matthew 22:36–40]”

In this busy season, I pray that we can emulate Thomas S. Monson in the way he lived when he said, “May we lift our eyes heavenward and look upward and outward into the lives of others. May we remember this Christmas season that “it is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35).” 

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, “So go out there and light a candle. Be a ray of light. Be your best self and let your character shine. Cherish the gospel of Jesus Christ and live it. The world needs you, and surely your Father in Heaven needs you if His blessed purposes for His children are to prevail. You have entered to learn. Now go forth to serve and strengthen.”

I invite you all to seek the Lord’s direction into your life as you determine the ways that you can serve those around you right now, today. I am so grateful to be a part of a church that serves. I have a testimony that service brings unbelievable joy i
nto our lives. I know that as you find more ways to serve in the church and in community, you will be blessed and find happiness.

I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Additional resources:

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/steven-l-shumway/keeping-spiritual-lifeblood-flowing/

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/emilee-l-carr/walking-each-other-home/

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/latter-day-saint-women-podcast/id1491361653?i=1000542216134

Eternal Families

Here's my talk that I gave today in my Surprise Young Single Adult Branch. I hope you like it!

Today I am going to answer the question: what are eternal families to me and what can I do to prepare to have my own eternal family? The past couple weeks I’ve been able to study about marriage and families, and I hope that I can pass on what I have learned to you. I pray for the Spirit to be here as I testify of truth.

Temples and Eternal Families

I may not know a ton about marriage, but I do know about eternal families. I am blessed to have an amazing family, albeit a crazy one. I’ve been thinking a lot about my late Grandma Wagher these past couple of weeks, so I thought it was a nice coincidence that I would be talking about something that she taught her family so often. But, of course, it wasn’t a coincidence at all. God knows me and He knows that I have a testimony of eternal families. In one of my grandma’s blogs, that I read often, she says this about temples: “Ties that bind generations of families long passed are put into place in those buildings. Vows are spoken between people who never have to say the most awful words ever imagined by people who love each other…"Till death do us part." Now, thanks to Christ, instead we can say, “For time and all eternity.”

The resurrection of Jesus Christ did indeed change everything about death. For those of us who know that miracle to be true, or who maybe just think that it’s probably true, or who even only hope desperately that it is true….it changed everything about life too.

We live differently because we know the truth.”

Our temple covenants allow us to be sealed to our families for time and all eternity. We have to make sacrifices to be in the temple, we have to “live differently” to prepare to be worthy to enter God’s presence. But the blessings that we gain far outweigh the sacrifices we make.

In the most recent general conference, President Russel M. Nelson counseled, “Positive spiritual momentum increases as we worship in the temple and grow in our understanding of the magnificent breadth and depth of the blessings we receive there. I plead with you to counter worldly ways by focusing on the eternal blessings of the temple. Your time there brings blessings for eternity.”

 I am so grateful for my grandparents who chose to embrace the gospel of Christ and to raise their children in this church. I would not be here today without them and the countless sacrifices they made to enter the temple and be sealed together as a family. I know that I will one day see them again because of the covenants that we have made in the temple.

Marriage

We read in the Family Proclamation that “the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” Elder Christofferson says that “[marriage] is the “link in the chain of the generations” both here and hereafter—the order of heaven.” The first step to having an eternal family is the eternal covenant of marriage.

So what are we all waiting for? I think we all want to get married and start our own families to add our own link to the eternal chain, but it’s not as simple as wanting it. 

Sister Sara Lee Gibb once told a story in a BYU Devotional. She says,

“One of my students answered my query “To what do you look forward in the future?” by stating that he really wanted an eternal family and the blessing of having them all go back to live with Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ. The problem was that he had so many things to do that he didn’t have time to worry about it very much—much less to set one more goal. He was willing but very distracted.

What does it take to get our attention? This good brother who had righteous desires but felt that he could not fulfill them because he was too busy in school will probably find that his life will fill up just as much when he is out of school. We are often caught up in the busy demands and choices of life. Soon we look back and realize that a year or five years or 10 years have gone by and we are still saying that someday we will get to the things that we wish and need to do. How sad it will be if we spend our lives climbing ladders only to find that they are against the wrong walls…

We only have so much time in a day, in a year, in a lifetime. We have to decide what it is that is important to us. What do we value and care deeply about? Then and only then will we be able to keep our sights on eternal perspectives and avoid distraction.”

 I have thought a lot about this concept. I remember thinking when I was in school that as soon as I graduated I would be done with homework and tests and I would have so much more time to study my scriptures and I would actually study for an hour a day like I did on the mission and everything would just be better because I would have so much more time. But now I’ve been graduated for 3 years, survived a global pandemic with months of quarantine, and I did not study as much as I should have, as much as I said I was going to. 

If we don’t do the important things when we are busy, we are not going to do them when we are not busy, either. We have to make the time to do the important things no matter what. Things like reading our scriptures, fulfilling our callings, and yes, even dating. I learned this the hard way, and I’ve been working on doing the things that matter most every day, instead of being distracted in the day to day things.

According to General Authorities, “the majority of adult Church members are now unmarried, widowed, or divorced.” President Ballard said the following during the April 2021 General Conference, “Brothers and sisters, more than half of adults in the Church today are widowed, divorced, or not yet married. Some wonder about their opportunities and place in God’s plan and in the Church. We should understand that eternal life is not simply a question of current marital status but of discipleship and being “valiant in the testimony of Jesus.” The hope of all who are single is the same as for all members of the Lord’s restored Church—access to the grace of Christ through “obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.”’

We should all strive to obtain an eternal marriage, but if we are stuck in the waiting, remember that we are loved, and God has a work for us to do right now. 

I love what Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf has to say about this:

“In the meantime, do not wait for someone else to make your life complete. Stop second-guessing yourself and wondering if you are defective. Instead, seek to reach your potential as a child of God. Seek learning. Become engaged in a meaningful career, and seek fulfillment in service to others. Use your time, your talents, and your resources to improve yourself and bless those around you. All of this is part of your preparation for having a family. Immerse yourself in your ward or branch and seek to magnify your callings, no matter what they may be.

The great purpose of this mortal existence is to learn to fully love our Heavenly Father and our neighbor as ourselves. If we do this with all our might, mind, and strength, our eternal destiny will be glorious and grand beyond our capacity to imagine. Be faithful, and things will work out for you. That is His eternal promise to all who love and honor Him.”

You Get to Be the Mom

To end my talk today I wanted to tell another one of my Grandma’s stories. She tells us about her early family life, that may or may not be similar to your own family situation. 

She says, “I grew up in a loving home with 3 younger siblings and wonderful parents. There was great love between my mother and father and they were devoted to our family. My parents believed in God but didn’t raise us in any organized religion. I had never heard of [the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints] and knew little except the snippets of the Catholic faith my grandmother brought with her when she visited.

Then one terrible day in early spring when I was 11, my 39 year old father was killed in a car accident on his way home from work. I remember my mother being completely devastated……put on sedatives by our doctor….and then after the haze of those first terrible days…sedated almost always by alcohol. I don’t remember seeing my mother as she had been before ever again. It seemed truly as if both of our parents had died in that awful crash.

Then, day by day, alcohol slowly killed my mother. I learned a frightening lesson watching her during my teenage years…drinking can end your life years before it actually kills you. And your life is not all that’s at stake.

Dad had thankfully provided well for us financially but things were not good in our home during my teenage years. I was the oldest of 4 kids….my youngest sister just a toddler when our father was killed…2 brothers who needed a dad…an alcoholic mom…you get the picture. It’s important to remember too that this was the early 60’s…a different time as far as accepted moral standards go. This was back in the day of the sit-com mom who supposedly cleaned house in heels and a string of pearls and was the picture of propriety and proper conduct.

Well, one Saturday I remember being picked up by the girls on my high school softball team to head to 6 AM practice. I came out the door at the first honk to a station wagon full of my teammates….someone’s mom driving the lot of us to the school field. Some of these girls were the most popular at school and I longed to feel a part of their circle. Nice girls, they were, from nice families, like ours used to be, with moms who did wear pearls while cleaning house, I just knew. As I opened the door one of them asked loudly… “Isn’t that your mom’s boyfriend’s car? What is it doing here so early in the morning? Did he spend the night?”

There was suddenly a deafening silence in the car while everyone began to think of the answer to that question and my face began to burn in shame. The mom who was driving quickly changed the subject and headed to the school. As we all were piling out of the car lugging bats and gloves, girls chattering all at once, the mother, a lady I barely knew, called me over to her car window. When the others had gone she said, “I just wanted you to know something very important. I wanted you to know that you can have a wonderful, loving family again. One with a mother and father. Parents who are happy and whole together…who love and take care of their children. It’s important that you know that.” Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked at her. I barely knew this lady. How did she know about me? You don’t know us, I said. You don’t know how things are. How? How can that possibly be?

“You get to be the mom,” she said gently.

She was right. Of course she was right. We each build our own lives. There was little I could do about my present situation but the future is what we each make of it. I never forgot what she said. It’s given me hope, comfort, and a kick in the pants many times since. I’ll always be grateful that she took the time to speak them.”

I love those words. “You get to be the mom.” You may not have had a perfect family situation growing up, or maybe you did. Either way, your future is what you make of it, and “the future is as bright as your faith.”

Conclusion

My grandmother’s life wasn’t perfect, not even after she and my grandfather joined the church. But I know that from that point on she worked hard to raise an eternal family and to teach her kids truth and light. I hope and pray that we all can do the same for our children one day, and that we will strive to find a worthy eternal companion to make that possible. Don’t sit around waiting for “an eternal companion to appear on [your] doorstep with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and an engagement ring in the other.” Have faith, make an effort, and trust in God’s timing.

I know that families can be together forever. We will all live again because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that temples are the Houses of God, and they provide saving ordinances for all those who are worthy and ready to enter them. I know that God loves me and all of His children. He wants each of us to come back to Him, and I know that that is possible because of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer. 

My grandparents Kathy and Larry Wagher